Bedtime battles

What It Means

Bedtime battles are the nightly standoffs when a child resists going to sleep: asking for one more storyUser storyA short description of something a product should do, written from the point of view of the person who needs it, often in the form "As a, I want, so that." See more, one more drink, getting out of bed, crying or arguing. Doctors call this bedtime resistance. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM) advises handling it with a steady routine and firm limits set by the adult, and the AAP's parenting site gives the same kind of advice for toddlersToddlerA child from 1 to 3 years old, the stage CDC's parenting guidance places between infancy and the preschool years. See more.

How Parents Say It

• "Bedtime takes two hours in our house."
• "He's out of bed for the fifth time."
• "Just one more story, please!"

The Breakdown

Hours of sleep by age, per CDC

What helps, from HealthyChildren.org and the AASM

1. Pick one bedtime and keep it every night.
2. Start a quiet routine beforehand, like a bath, a story or soft music.
3. Save wild play for earlier in the day.
4. Keep the routine from running past bedtime; a snack, bath and book fit well.
5. Set the limit calmly and hold it: no new drinks or stories after lights out.
6. Let your child fall asleep in their own bed without being rocked, so they learn to settle on their own.

By age. For toddlers and preschoolersPreschoolerA child from 3 to 5 years old, the age band the CDC uses for its preschool parenting guidance. See more, naps count toward the daily total, so a late nap can push bedtime later. For school-age children, a later bedtime usually means a short night, since the wake-up time is fixed by school.

When to talk to the pediatrician. Talk to your child's doctor if bedtime struggles go on for weeks despite a steady routine, if your child is tired or cranky in the day, or if night waking is a problem. Screaming early in the night without really waking is a different thing, a night terrorNight terrorsEpisodes in which a sleeping child suddenly screams, thrashes or looks terrified without really waking, usually early in the night, and has no memory of it later. See more, with its own advice.

Good to Know

Consistency does most of the work. The AASM describes child insomnia of this kind as best handled by an adult setting firm limits, and its practice parameters describe behavioral approaches for bedtime problems in young children. Agree on the routine with every adult who puts your child to bed, so the limit is the same whoever is on duty.

Related Terms and Categories

• Bedtime routine

  The same short series of calm steps a child goes through each night before sleep, such as brushing teeth, reading a book and lights out at a set time.

• Sleep schedule

  The set times a person goes to bed and gets up each day, planned so they get the hours of sleep recommended for their age.

• Night terrors

  Episodes in which a sleeping child suddenly screams, thrashes or looks terrified without really waking, usually early in the night, and has no memory of it later.

• Wind-down routine

  A set of calm, screen-free activities in the last part of the evening that helps you shift from being awake to falling asleep.

Parenting and child development