Drop-off playdate

What It Means

A drop-off playdate is a playdate where one child's parent leaves them at a friend's home for the visit, and the host family supervises both children. It usually comes after a few playdates where the parents stayed. No official body sets an age for it, so the timing depends on the child, the host and the family's own comfort.

How Parents Say It

• "Is it a drop-off or are parents staying?"
• "Pickup is at four, I'll text when I'm outside."
• "First drop-off playdate, I'm more nervous than she is."

The Breakdown

Example ages (no official body sets one; these are common patterns, not rules)

CDC's checklists give two useful markers: most children calm down within 1010,000 stepsA popular daily step goal that began as the name of a 1960s Japanese pedometer; later studies find health benefits begin well below it. See more minutes after a parent leaves by 3 years, and most follow rules or take turns in games with other children by 5 years.

Before the first drop-off, ask the host

• Will a parent or another adult be home the whole time? (HealthyChildren.org)
• Are there pets, and are they friendly? Tell the host if your child is nervous around animals. (HealthyChildren.org)
• Is there an unlocked gun in the house? The AAP says any gun should be stored unloaded and locked, with the ammunition locked up separately, and if the answer makes you uneasy, offer to host at your home instead. (HealthyChildren.org)
• What are the house rulesFamily rulesA short list of clear, specific statements about the behavior a family expects, agreed on by the adults and applied the same way every time. See more, and what will the children be doing? (our suggestion)
• When is pickup, and what's the best number to reach you? (also ours)

Tell the host about allergies, bathroom help and anything that calms your child down.

When to talk to the doctor. A child who never settles when you leave, even with familiar people, or whose worry about separation keeps them from school or activities, is worth raising with the doctor. CDC recommends talking with your child's doctor about any concern with how your child plays or gets along with others.

Good to Know

HealthyChildren.org, the AAP's site for parents, has a short list called "5 Questions to Ask Before a Playdate." Read the whole list before your child's first drop-off, since it covers more than the three questions above and is worth asking any family, however well you know them. When you host, give the other parent the same information you would want: who will be home, what the children will do, and when pickup is.

Related Terms and Categories

• Cooperative play

  Play in which children work together toward a shared goal, taking roles and following a plan, like building one fort or acting out one story together.

Parenting and child development