Family rules

What It Means

Family rules are a household's short list of specific, clear statements about the behavior everyone is expected to follow, such as "Use gentle hands" or "Shoes off at the door." The CDC describes a family rule as a clear statement of the behavior you expect from your child, one that helps children understand what's okay and what isn't. Rules work best when every adult who cares for the child knows them and responds the same way each time.

How It Sounds at Home

• "What's the rule about screens at dinner?"
• "In this house, we walk inside."
• "Rules are on the fridge."

The Breakdown

How to set family rules

1. Talk as adults about which behaviors matter most, and agree on the rules together.
2. Write each rule as a specific, clear statement. "Use gentle hands" is easier to follow than "be nice."
3. When a rule says what to stop, follow it with what to do: "No running inside. Walk in the house."
4. Match the list to your child's age. The CDC notes toddlersToddlerA child from 1 to 3 years old, the stage CDC's parenting guidance places between infancy and the preschool years. See more and preschoolersPreschoolerA child from 3 to 5 years old, the age band the CDC uses for its preschool parenting guidance. See more can learn and remember only two to three rules at a time.
5. Tell every adult who cares for your child, such as grandparents and sitters, so the rules are the same everywhere.
6. Post the rules where everyone can see them, and remind kids by repeating them or using a rule chart.
7. Praise your child for following a rule, and use a consequence when needed, the same way each time.

Try it today. Pick the one behavior that causes the most friction at home and write a single rule for it that says exactly what to do.

Good to Know

Consistency matters as much as wording. The CDC's Essentials for Parenting says rules enforced the same way every time give children stability and predictability. HealthyChildren.org, from the American Academy of Pediatrics, adds that rules should be explained in words a child can understand at their age. If your child's behavior stays hard to manage even with clear, steady rules, talk with your pediatrician.

Related Terms and Categories

• Limit setting

  Deciding and calmly holding the rules for what a child may and may not do, explained in words the child can understand and followed through every time.

• Logical consequences

  A consequence a parent sets up that is directly tied to what the child did, like toys left out being put away for the rest of the day.

• Natural consequences

  The result that follows a child's choice on its own, with no adult arranging it, such as a thrown toy that breaks and can't be played with.

• Family media plan

  A written set of family rules about screens and media, such as screen-free times and places, that each household makes to fit its own routines and values.

• Routine chart

  A chart, often with pictures, listing the steps of one routine in order, such as getting ready for school or bed, that a child checks off as they go.

• Family meeting

  A short, regular sit-down where everyone in the household shares news, looks ahead at the week and makes decisions together.

Family organization and routines