What It Means
Parallel parenting is an arrangement for separated parents whose conflict makes working closely together hard. Both parents stay involved in the child's life, but direct communication is kept to a minimum, sometimes with a mediator's help, and each parent runs their own home by their own rules during their time. Cleveland Clinic contrasts it with co-parentingCo-parentingTwo parents who live apart sharing the job of raising their child, working together on rules, schedules and decisions across both homes. See more, where parents keep shared rules across homes and often attend events together.
Try It: Co-Parenting or Parallel Parenting?
For each line, pick which approach it describes, based on Cleveland Clinic's comparison.
Both homes use the same bedtime and screen rules.
Right. Shared rules across homes are co-parenting.
Not quite. Shared rules across homes are co-parenting.
Each parent sets their own rules at their own house.
Right. In parallel parenting neither parent directs the other's home.
Not quite. Separate rules for each home is parallel parenting.
Parents sit together at the school play.
Right. Attending events together fits co-parenting.
Not quite. Attending events together fits co-parenting.
Updates go through a mediator or in writing, and little else is said.
Right. Minimal direct contact is the core of parallel parenting.
Not quite. Minimal direct contact is parallel parenting.
How Parents Say It
- "We only talk through the app now."
- "At my place we do bedtime my way."
- "The mediator suggested parallel parenting until things cool down."
The Breakdown
Side by side, per Cleveland Clinic
| Co-parenting | Parallel parenting | |
|---|---|---|
| Communication | Frequent and direct | Kept to a minimum, sometimes through a mediator |
| House rulesFamily rulesA short list of clear, specific statements about the behavior a family expects, agreed on by the adults and applied the same way every time. See more | Shared across homes | Each home sets its own |
| Events | Often attended together | Not expected to be shared |
What to put in writing, by stage. With little talking, the written plan and a shared calendar carry the information. These are Buhata's examples of details families write down, not an official list.
| Child's stage | Details worth writing down |
|---|---|
| Baby and toddlerToddlerA child from 1 to 3 years old, the stage CDC's parenting guidance places between infancy and the preschool years. See more | Feeding and nap timesNap scheduleThe usual pattern of a baby's or toddler's daytime naps: how many, roughly when and for how long, which shifts as the child grows. See more, medicines, the pediatrician's name |
| Grade school | School pickup days, homework, which parent attends which event |
| Teen | Activities and rides, phone rules at each home, curfews |
When to talk to someone. HealthyChildren.org, the American Academy of Pediatrics' parent site, advises speaking with the child's health care provider if the child has significant emotional or behavioral struggles, and suggests a counselor can help a child work through their feelings. For changes to the custody plan itself, go through your court's family services office or a family law attorney.
Good to Know
Custody is state law and differs from state to state. Courts decide by the child's best interests under each state's law, and the Child Welfare Information Gateway summarizes how states define that standard. If there is violence or a safety concern, tell the court and use its protective process; California's self-help guide, for example, has a separate page on custody mediation where there has been domestic violence.
FAQ
What's the difference between parallel parenting and co-parenting?
Co-parenting means working closely, with shared rules across homes. Parallel parenting keeps both parents involved but limits direct contact, and each home runs by its own rules, per Cleveland Clinic.
Who is parallel parenting for?
Parents whose conflict makes regular, direct cooperation difficult. It lets both stay part of the child's life with less contact between the adults.
Can a court order parallel parenting?
Custody orders are set under each state's law by the child's best interests, and the wording differs by state. Ask your court's family services office or a family law attorney what your state allows.
Do It in Buhata
Calendar and Handoff Card
Keep the schedule on the Calendar in a Household Space in Buhata and put the child's routines, medicines and contacts on a Handoff Card (Premium), so both homes have the same facts without a phone call.
Open BuhataRelated Terms and Categories
- Co-parenting
Two parents who live apart sharing the job of raising their child, working together on rules, schedules and decisions across both homes.
- Custody schedule
The calendar in a parenting plan that says which days and nights a child spends with each parent, including handovers, holidays and school breaks.
- Parenting plan
The written arrangement, usually made into a court order, that says how separated parents share decisions and time with their children.
- Week-on week-off schedule
An equal-time custody schedule in which a child lives with one parent for a full week, then the other, switching on the same day each week.
Sources
Cleveland Clinic, "What Is Parallel Parenting?"; HealthyChildren.org (AAP), "How to Support Children after Their Parents Separate or Divorce"; California Courts Self Help Guide, "Child custody and parenting time"; Child Welfare Information Gateway, "Determining the Best Interests of the Child"; California Courts Self Help Guide, "Custody mediation in cases with domestic violence"
- health.clevelandclinic.org/parallel-parenting
- www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/emotional-wellness/Building-Resilience/Pages/How-to-Support-Children-after-Parents-Separate-or-Divorce.aspx
- selfhelp.courts.ca.gov/child-custody
- www.childwelfare.gov/resources/determining-best-interests-child
- selfhelp.courts.ca.gov/DV-restraining-order/family-court-mediation
Last updated .