Empathy development

What It Means

Empathy development is the gradual growth of a child's ability to notice what someone else feels, understand why, and care enough to respond. It starts with noticing: CDC lists pausing or looking sad when someone cries among the milestonesDevelopmental milestonesSkills most children can do by a certain age, like rolling over or waving bye-bye. CDC places each at the age 75% or more of children reach it. See more most children reach by 2 years. By 4, most children comfort others who are hurt or sad, and empathy keeps growing through the school years as children learn to see several people's points of view.

How Parents Say It

• "How do you think she felt when that happened?"
• "He brought his blanket to his crying sister."
• "Let's check on your friend, he looks sad."

The Breakdown

Empathy by age

CDC places each milestone where 75% or more of children already have it, so many children get there earlier.

Five guideposts from Making Caring Common

1. Take care of yourself and reflect with people you trust when empathizing with your child feels hard.
2. Make caring a clear priority, for example "The most important thing is that you're kind and that you're happy."
3. Widen your child's circle of concern to people different from them.
4. Help your child zoom in on one person's feelings and zoom out to everyone involved.
5. Model empathy, including toward your child. Making Caring Common says that when parents empathize with children, children develop trusting, secure attachments.

When to talk to the doctor. CDC recommends talking with your child's doctor about any concern with how your child plays, acts or gets along with others. If your child doesn't seem to notice when others are upset by around 2, or doesn't comfort others by around 4, mention it at the next checkup.

Good to Know

CDC's checklists show noticing coming first, at 2, and comforting later, at 4, so a toddlerToddlerA child from 1 to 3 years old, the stage CDC's parenting guidance places between infancy and the preschool years. See more who stares at a crying friend without helping yet is showing the earlier of the two. Making Caring Common is a project of the Harvard Graduate School of Education that publishes free guidance for families and schools.

Related Terms and Categories

• Social-emotional development

  How a child learns to understand their own feelings, read other people's, and build relationships, from early smiles to taking turns in games.

• Emotion coaching

  A way of responding to a child's feelings: notice the emotion, connect, listen, help name it, then solve the problem together, with limits on behavior.

• Resilience

  The capacity to adapt and keep developing well in the face of hardship. In children it's built above all through a stable, supportive relationship with an adult.

Parenting and child development