Love languages

What It Means

Love languages is Gary Chapman's model of the different ways people express and receive love. His book "The 5 Love Languages" names five: words of affirmationWords of affirmationOne of Gary Chapman's five love languages: showing love through spoken or written words, such as specific compliments, thanks and encouragement. See more, quality time, receiving giftsReceiving giftsOne of Gary Chapman's five love languages: feeling loved through thoughtful gifts, where the thought and effort behind the gift matter more than its price. See more, acts of serviceActs of serviceOne of Gary Chapman's five love languages: showing love by doing helpful things that lighten the other person's load, like a chore or an errand. See more and physical touchPhysical touchOne of Gary Chapman's five love languages: showing love through welcome, affectionate touch, such as hugs, holding hands or a hand on the shoulder. See more. Chapman suggests each person has a preferred language and that couples connect better when they learn to speak each other's. The model is his, and a 2024 research review found little strong evidence for its central assumptions, so it works best as a conversation starter rather than as clinical guidance.

How It Sounds at Home

• "My love language is definitely acts of service."
• "We took the love languages quiz on our first anniversary."
• "He's all words of affirmation, I'm quality time."

The Breakdown

The five, with examples at home

Signs you may be speaking different languages

• One of you says "I tell you all the time" while the other says "but you never help."
• Effort goes unnoticed on both sides.
• You each show love in the way you'd most like to receive it.

A way to start the conversation. "I read about love languages. Want to each rate the five and see where we line up? I'm curious what makes you feel most looked after."

Where It Comes From

Dr. Gary Chapman, an author and marriage counselor, noticed couples bringing him similar complaints and went back through years of his session notes, according to his publisher, Moody Publishers. From that he described five ways people express and receive love. Moody Publishers says "The 5 Love Languages" has sold more than 20 million copies, and Chapman's official site, 5lovelanguages.com, runs the quiz.

Good to Know

Researchers Emily Impett, Haeyoung Gideon Park and Amy Muise reviewed the evidence in "Popular Psychology Through a Scientific Lens: Evaluating Love Languages From a Relationship Science Perspective" (Current Directions in Psychological Science, 2024). They found little strong support for three ideas at the core of the book: that each person has one preferred language, that there are exactly five, and that couples are happier when they match. People tended to value all five, and showing love in any of these ways was linked with higher satisfaction. If you're struggling in your relationship, a licensed couples therapist can help.

Related Terms and Categories

• Love languages for kids

  Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell's idea that each child feels loved most through one of five ways: words, time, gifts, acts of service or touch.

• Words of affirmation

  One of Gary Chapman's five love languages: showing love through spoken or written words, such as specific compliments, thanks and encouragement.

• Acts of service

  One of Gary Chapman's five love languages: showing love by doing helpful things that lighten the other person's load, like a chore or an errand.

• Physical touch

  One of Gary Chapman's five love languages: showing love through welcome, affectionate touch, such as hugs, holding hands or a hand on the shoulder.

• Receiving gifts

  One of Gary Chapman's five love languages: feeling loved through thoughtful gifts, where the thought and effort behind the gift matter more than its price.

Relationships and shared household