Natural consequences

What It Means

A natural consequence is what happens by itself after a child's choice, without a parent adding anything. If a child breaks a toy on purpose, the toy is gone, and a snack dropped on the floor leaves less snack to eat. The parent's part is to hold back from rescuing, stay kind, and talk it over afterward. It differs from a logical consequenceLogical consequencesA consequence a parent sets up that is directly tied to what the child did, like toys left out being put away for the rest of the day. See more, which is one an adult sets up.

How Parents Say It

• "If he won't wear his gloves, his hands get cold."
• "She broke it, so now she doesn't have it."
• "I'm letting the grade speak for itself this time."

The Breakdown

Examples by age

How to use one

1. Check that the result is safe. The AAP's examples are harmless misbehavior; anything that could hurt your child or someone else calls for you to step in.
2. Stay out of it. Hold back from lecturing or replacing what was lost.
3. Show empathy. Nelsen suggests letting the child feel the disappointment without rescuing.
4. Talk later. Once things are calm, ask what happened and what they might try next time.

Short version to try today. Next time a small, harmless choice goes badly, say "That's a bummer," and nothing more until later.

When to talk to the doctor. If your child's behavior worries you, or nothing you try seems to change it, talk with your pediatrician.

Where It Comes From

The term comes from Adlerian parenting. Rudolf Dreikurs (1897 to 1972), who built on Alfred Adler's psychology, wrote in Children: The Challenge that parents can find a natural consequence by asking, "What would happen if I didn't interfere?" He also wrote that natural consequences always help, while logical ones can backfire in a power struggle.

Good to Know

HealthyChildren.org (AAP) links natural consequences to knowing when not to respond: ignoring small, harmless misbehavior lets the result do the teaching. CDC's toddler pages list removing your attention as one kind of consequence, and they advise against spanking, yelling at or embarrassing a child. Dreikurs warned that tacking on a line like "Maybe this will be a lesson to you" turns a consequence into punishment, so keep your words kind and few.

Related Terms and Categories

• Logical consequences

  A consequence a parent sets up that is directly tied to what the child did, like toys left out being put away for the rest of the day.

• Positive discipline

  Discipline that teaches a child how to behave through modeling, clear limits, calm consequences and attention, without hitting, yelling or shaming.

• Picking your battles

  Deciding which of a child's behaviors need a firm limit, like safety, and which small ones to let go, so the rules that matter can be enforced every time.

• Resilience

  The capacity to adapt and keep developing well in the face of hardship. In children it's built above all through a stable, supportive relationship with an adult.

• Time-out

  A short, set break in a time-out spot after a misbehavior a child was warned about, about one minute per year of age in CDC's toddler guidance.

Parenting and child development