What It Means
Process praise credits the way a child got somewhere: the effort, the strategy, the focus, or sticking with it after a setback. Its opposite in parenting writing is person praise, which credits a fixed trait, as in "You're so smartSave More TomorrowA savings plan by Richard Thaler and Shlomo Benartzi in which you agree now to raise your retirement contribution each time you get a pay raise. See more." The idea comes from psychologist Carol Dweck's research at Stanford, which found that children praised for intelligence tended to avoid challenges while children praised for effort went looking for them.
Try It: Turn Trait Praise Into Process Praise
Pick a moment and see trait praise rewritten as process praise. The words are examples.
"You're so smart!"
"You're a puzzle genius."
"You're a natural."
"You're so talented."
"You practiced the tricky words every night, and it showed."
"When the edges didn't fit, you tried sorting by color."
"All those early practices paid off on your turns."
"You kept adding detail to the trees until they looked right to you."
Name what they did. If the effort didn't work, add a next step to try.
How Parents Say It
- "You stuck with that even when it got hard."
- "I like how you tried a different way."
- "All that practice is showing."
The Breakdown
What the research and guidance say, by age
| Age | What was found or advised | Source |
|---|---|---|
| Preschool | One repeat of Dweck's praise study ran at Stanford's Bing Nursery School | Stanford, Bing Nursery School |
| Kindergarten and fifth grade | Children praised for intelligence avoided harder problems and did worse over later rounds; children praised for effort chose harder problems and stayed motivated | Stanford, Bing Nursery School |
| Older students | Skip words like "giftedGifted and talentedStudents who show high ability in an intellectual, creative, artistic, leadership or academic area and need services beyond the regular classroom to develop it. See more" and "smart," credit the process, and pair it with feedback on how to improve | Stanford Teaching Commons |
In the same studies, nearly 40% of the children praised for intelligence misreported their scores, according to Bing Nursery School's summary.
How to do it
- Wait until you've seen what your child actually did.
- Name the effort, strategy or persistence in one sentence.
- If it didn't work out, praise the trying and suggest another approach to try next.
Short version to try today. The next time you're about to say "You're so smart," say what they did to get the answer.
When to talk to the school. If your child avoids anything hard, melts down over mistakes, or says they're "just bad at" a subject, talk with their teacher about how they're handling challenge in class.
Where It Comes From
The term grew out of Carol Dweck's studies of how different kinds of praise affect children's motivation. Stanford's Clayman Institute describes her finding that praise for the process encourages hard work and taking on challenges, and her 2006 book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, sets out the wider idea of fixed and growth mindsets.
Good to Know
Dweck has since cautioned that praising effort alone can go wrong, according to Stanford Teaching Commons: children also need honest, constructive feedbackConstructive feedbackSpecific, fact-based feedback that describes what someone did and its effect, so they can keep doing it or change it. See more, so when effort isn't working, help your child find a new strategy as well. The Child Mind Institute adds that all praise should be genuine.
FAQ
What is an example of process praise?
"You kept at that math sheet even when it got hard" credits the effort. "You're so smart" credits a trait, which Dweck's research linked to avoiding challenges.
What's the difference between process praise and person praise?
Process praise is about what the child did, such as their effort, strategy or persistence. Person praise is about who they are, like smart or talented.
Is it bad to tell my child they're smart?
In Dweck's studies, children praised for intelligence were more likely to avoid harder tasks afterward. Crediting what they did tells them how to succeed again.
Do It in Buhata
Notes
Jot down one process-praise sentence you want to use more, and the moments it fits, in Notes (Premium) in Buhata, so you can reread it before a busy week.
Open BuhataRelated Terms and Categories
- Descriptive praise
Praise that names exactly what the child did well, such as "You put every block back in the bin," in place of a general "Good job."
- Growth mindset
The belief that abilities like intelligence and talent can grow with effort, good strategies and help, a term from psychologist Carol Dweck.
- Fixed mindset
The belief that abilities like intelligence and talent are fixed and can't change much, a term from psychologist Carol Dweck's research.
- Praise vs encouragement
A distinction from Adlerian parenting: praise credits the child for a result, while encouragement credits effort, improvement and what the child did.
- Resilience
The capacity to adapt and keep developing well in the face of hardship. In children it's built above all through a stable, supportive relationship with an adult.
Sources
Stanford University, Bing Nursery School, "Carol Dweck: Praising Intelligence: Costs to Children's Self-Esteem and Motivation"; Stanford University, The Clayman Institute for Gender Research, "Understanding a mindset for success"; Stanford Teaching Commons, "Growth Mindset and Enhanced Learning"; Child Mind Institute, "Does it matter HOW I praise my child?"
- bingschool.stanford.edu/news/carol-dweck-praising-intelligence-costs-childrens-self-esteem-and-motivation
- gender.stanford.edu/news/understanding-mindset-success
- teachingcommons.stanford.edu/teaching-guides/foundations-course-design/learning-activities/growth-mindset-and-enhanced-learning
- childmind.org/article/does-it-matter-how-i-praise-my-child
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