What It Means
Praise vs encouragement is a distinction taught in Adlerian parenting, especially by Rudolf Dreikurs and Jane Nelsen's Positive DisciplinePositive disciplineDiscipline that teaches a child how to behave through modeling, clear limits, calm consequences and attention, without hitting, yelling or shaming. See more. In their use, praise credits the child for a finished, successful result ("I'm proud of you"), while encouragement credits the effort, the improvement and what the child did, and can be given even when things didn't go well. CDC and the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) don't draw this line; they recommend specific praiseDescriptive praisePraise that names exactly what the child did well, such as "You put every block back in the bin," in place of a general "Good job." See more that names the behavior, which lands close to what Nelsen calls encouragement.
Try It: Flip Between Praise and Encouragement
Flip between the two for the same three moments. The words are examples in the style Positive Discipline describes.
| Moment | What you might say |
|---|---|
| An A on a test | "I'm so proud of you for getting an A.""You worked hard for that A. How does it feel?" |
| A tough soccer loss | (Little to praise when the result was a loss.)"You kept running back on defense the whole second half." |
| A messy first try at making the bed | "Perfect! Good girl.""You got the blanket up by yourself this time." |
Praise tends to credit the child and the finished result.
Encouragement credits the effort and the progress, win or lose.
How Parents Say It
- "I'm trying to notice her effort more than the grade."
- "I try to say what she did instead of 'good job.'"
- "Is 'I'm proud of you' praise or encouragement?"
The Breakdown
Side by side
| Praise, as Positive Discipline uses the word | Encouragement | |
|---|---|---|
| Focus | The child, the doer | The deed: effort and improvement |
| When it fits | A finished, successful result | Any time, including a loss or a first try |
| Example | "I'm proud of you for getting an A." | "That A reflects your hard work." |
| Fits after a loss | Rarely, since there's no result to credit | Yes, the effort is still there to name |
Pick encouragement if your child is struggling, just lost, or is trying something new and the result isn't there yet. It gives them something true to hear that isn't about the outcome.
Pick specific praise if your young child just did something you want to see again. CDC recommends labeled praise, such as "I saw that you put your toys away!", right after the behavior, and the AAP's HealthyChildren.org advises catching children being good.
Praise that names what your child did and how they did it fits both CDC's advice and Nelsen's idea of encouragement.
Where It Comes From
The contrast comes from Adlerian psychology. Positive Discipline's article quotes Rudolf Dreikurs's advice to encourage the deed rather than the doer and his line that a child needs encouragement like a plant needs water. Jane Nelsen built it into Positive Discipline, and her article points to Carol Dweck's Stanford research on praise as support.
Good to Know
Dweck's studies, as Stanford's Bing Nursery School describes them, compared praise for intelligence with praise for effort; children praised for effort chose harder problems and stayed motivated. Those studies tested kinds of praise and didn't test encouragement as a separate thing, so they support focusing on effort without showing that praise itself does harm. Nelsen's program avoids praise and rewards altogether, while CDC's toddlerToddlerA child from 1 to 3 years old, the stage CDC's parenting guidance places between infancy and the preschool years. See more guidance uses both.
FAQ
What's the difference between praise and encouragement?
In Positive Discipline's terms, praise credits the child for a result, and encouragement credits their effort and progress. "I'm proud of you for the A" is praise; "That A reflects your hard work" is encouragement.
Is praise bad for kids?
CDC and the AAP recommend specific praise that names the behavior. Carol Dweck's research found that praise for intelligence backfired while praise for effort helped, so the kind of praise matters.
Where does the idea of encouragement over praise come from?
From Adlerian parenting, through Rudolf Dreikurs and later Jane Nelsen's Positive Discipline, which says it rests on the work of Alfred Adler and Dreikurs.
Do It in Buhata
Household Rewards
Add the jobs your child is working on as chores in Household Rewards in Buhata, so you remember to name the effort each time one gets done.
Open BuhataRelated Terms and Categories
- Descriptive praise
Praise that names exactly what the child did well, such as "You put every block back in the bin," in place of a general "Good job."
- Process praise
Praise for how a child worked, such as effort, strategy, focus or persistence, rather than for a trait like being smart or talented.
- Positive discipline
Discipline that teaches a child how to behave through modeling, clear limits, calm consequences and attention, without hitting, yelling or shaming.
- Growth mindset
The belief that abilities like intelligence and talent can grow with effort, good strategies and help, a term from psychologist Carol Dweck.
- Self-esteem
How a person feels about themselves and what they can do. In a child, healthy self-esteem shows as feeling liked, accepted and able to try again after a mistake.
Sources
Positive Discipline, "Encouragement: What does it mean and how is it done?"; Positive Discipline, "What is Positive Discipline?"; CDC, "Tips for Using Praise and Rewards," Essentials for Parenting Toddlers; HealthyChildren.org (AAP), "What's the Best Way to Discipline My Child?"; Stanford University, Bing Nursery School, "Carol Dweck: Praising Intelligence: Costs to Children's Self-Esteem and Motivation"
- www.positivediscipline.com/articles/encouragement-what-does-it-mean-and-how-it-done
- www.positivediscipline.com/articles/what-positive-discipline
- www.cdc.gov/parenting-toddlers/responding-to-behavior/using-rewards.html
- www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/communication-discipline/Pages/Disciplining-Your-Child.aspx
- bingschool.stanford.edu/news/carol-dweck-praising-intelligence-costs-childrens-self-esteem-and-motivation
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