Tantrum vs meltdown

What It Means

Parents and clinicians often use these two words for different kinds of outburst. In a tantrum, a child is angry or frustrated, often about not getting something, and still has some control over what they do. A meltdown happens when a child has become so overwhelmed, by stress, strong feelings, noise or other sensory input, or a sudden change, that control is lost and the outburst can't stop until they wear out or an adult helps them calm down. Neither word is a medical diagnosis, and the Child Mind Institute notes meltdowns are most often described in autisticAutism spectrumAutism spectrum disorder: a developmental disability affecting social communication and interaction, with restricted or repetitive behaviors or interests. See more children.

How Parents Say It

• "Is this a tantrum or is she really overwhelmed?"
• "He stopped the second I walked away."
• "The noise at the party set off a full meltdown."

The Breakdown

Side by side

The descriptions come from the Child Mind Institute, and the tantrum ages and calm-and-safe advice from the AAP and HealthyChildren.org.

It's more likely a tantrum if your child is angry about a limit or something they want, and the storm eases once nobody is giving it attention.

It's more likely a meltdown if it follows a loud, crowded or changing situation, your child seems unable to hear you or stop, and it only ends once they're exhausted or somewhere quieter with you.

When to talk to the doctor. Talk with your pediatrician if outbursts are frequent or intense, if your child seems unusually aggressive for longer than a few weeks, or if you wonder whether sensory overloadSensory overloadWhen sounds, lights, crowds, touch or other input become more than a child's senses can handle, often ending in distress or a meltdown. See more or another developmental difference is part of the picture. A few notes on what happened just before each outburst will help.

Good to Know

Real outbursts don't always fit neatly into one column, so use the table as a guide. Safety comes first in both. The AAP's advice for big emotions is to stay calm, make sure everyone is safe, and show the self-control you hope your child will learn.

Related Terms and Categories

• Sensory overload

  When sounds, lights, crowds, touch or other input become more than a child's senses can handle, often ending in distress or a meltdown.

• Emotional regulation

  The growing ability to notice a feeling and manage how strongly it shows and how long it lasts, so a child can calm down and carry on.

• Co-regulation

  The way a calm, caring adult helps a child manage feelings and behavior, through a warm relationship, a steady setting and coaching, until the child can do more alone.

• Autism spectrum

  Autism spectrum disorder: a developmental disability affecting social communication and interaction, with restricted or repetitive behaviors or interests.

Parenting and child development