Terrible twos

What It Means

The terrible twos is a common nickname for the stretch of toddlerhood, roughly around a child's second birthday, when "no," tantrums and testing limits become everyday events. Cleveland Clinic describes it as a normal stage: a 2-year-old wants to choose and do more alone, and has opinions and preferences well before having the words or the emotional skills to express them. The gap between what they want and what they can say is where much of the frustration comes from. It isn't a diagnosis, and every child moves through it on their own timeline.

How Parents Say It

• "Everything is 'no' right now."
• "We're deep in the terrible twos."
• "She wants to do it herself, then melts down when she can't."

The Breakdown

What to expect, by age

What helps. Cleveland Clinic's tips for this stage, and CDC's for 2 to 3 year olds, mostly start before the storm:

• Give a heads-up before a change, like leaving the playground or walking into a store.
• Look for the reason first. A tired or hungry child may need a snack or a nap more than a limit.
• Offer small choices that don't matter much, like which shirt to wear or which cup to drink from.
• Stay calm when it happens. A loud, angry reply tends to get copied.
• Respond the same way each time, and give plenty of attention and praise when your child follows directions.

When to talk to the doctor. Talk with your pediatrician if outbursts are frequent or intense, if your child seems unusually aggressive for longer than a few weeks, as HealthyChildren.org suggests, or if you're worried your child isn't reaching the milestonesDevelopmental milestonesSkills most children can do by a certain age, like rolling over or waving bye-bye. CDC places each at the age 75% or more of children reach it. See more on CDC's checklist for their age.

Where It Comes From

The phrase is a popular parenting nickname rather than a medical or scientific term. It tracks the tantrum ages the AAP describes, which peak between the second and third birthdays.

Good to Know

Some children hit this phase earlier than their second birthday and some later, and plenty of 3-year-olds still have big outbursts. The AAP ages describe what's typical. If your child's outbursts come with loss of skills they used to have, or you're simply unsure, bring it up at the next checkup rather than waiting it out.

Related Terms and Categories

• Tantrum vs meltdown

  A tantrum is an outburst in which a child still has some control; a meltdown is a loss of control from feeling overwhelmed.

• Toddler

  A child from 1 to 3 years old, the stage CDC's parenting guidance places between infancy and the preschool years.

• Emotional regulation

  The growing ability to notice a feeling and manage how strongly it shows and how long it lasts, so a child can calm down and carry on.

• Picking your battles

  Deciding which of a child's behaviors need a firm limit, like safety, and which small ones to let go, so the rules that matter can be enforced every time.

Parenting and child development