What It Means
"Tricky people" is a child safety idea taught by Pattie Fitzgerald, a prevention educator and founder of Safely Ever After, Inc., in place of the older "stranger dangerStranger dangerThe old rule telling children to fear and avoid all strangers. NCMEC now teaches kids to spot risky situations, since most abducted children are taken by someone they know. See more" message. It asks children to pay attention to how a person behaves, whether that person is a stranger or someone they know. Her programs pair it with a set of "Safe-SmartSave More TomorrowA savings plan by Richard Thaler and Shlomo Benartzi in which you agree now to raise your retirement contribution each time you get a pay raise. See more Rules" that include body boundariesBody autonomyThe idea that a person, including a child, has the right to decide what happens to their own body, such as who hugs, kisses or touches them. See more, making safe choices, resisting peer pressure and a family code word.
Try It: Flip Through the Ideas Behind Tricky People
Tap each card. The topics are from Pattie Fitzgerald's Safe-Smart Rules; the explanations under them are Buhata's own.
Spotting a tricky person
Watch what someone does and asks, instead of whether you've met them before.
Understanding boundaries
Your body belongs to you, and you can say no to a touch that doesn't feel right.
Making safe choices
When something feels off, leave and go to a grown-up you trust.
Resisting peer pressure
Friends can push too. You can say no to them and still be their friend.
A family code word
A word only your family and trusted adults know, so you can tell if a change of plans really came from home.
What NCMEC adds
Most abducted children are taken by someone they know, so teach situations to watch for, not types of people.
How Parents Say It
- "Most people are good, but some people are tricky."
- "Watch what people do, even people you know."
- "What's our family code word again?"
The Breakdown
By age (Buhata's suggestion, built on the ideas above)
| Age | What to teach |
|---|---|
| Preschool | The names of body parts, that their body belongs to them, and to tell you about anything that feels wrong |
| Early grade school | The family code word, and safe adults to go to when lost, like a store clerk with a name tag |
| Older grade school | How a known adult or an older kid can also cross a line, and that telling you is never tattling |
| TweensTweenA child in the years just before becoming a teenager, roughly the late elementary and middle school years. Another word for preteen. See more | Pressure from friends and from people online, and when to leave a situation |
Tricky people and stranger danger side by side
| Stranger danger | Tricky people |
|---|---|
| Focuses on who someone is | Focuses on what someone does |
| Covers only unknown adults | Covers anyone, known or unknown |
| Teaches fear of all strangers | Lets children ask some unfamiliar adults for help |
How to start. Pick a family code word tonight, tell only the adults who might ever pick your child up, and practice it once in the car.
Where It Comes From
Pattie Fitzgerald and her company, Safely Ever After, teach "tricky people" awareness in parent seminars and in programs for schools, hospitals and nonprofit groups. The AAP and CDC pages checked for this page don't use the phrase, and NCMEC's 2023 guidance points the same way without it: teach situations to watch for, since most abducted children are taken by someone they know.
Good to Know
Safely Ever After describes its programs as proven effective; that's the company's own claim, and no official body's review of it turned up for this page. The underlying point is one NCMEC makes too. If you're worried a child is being abused, call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453, available around the clock, and call 911 if a child is in danger right now.
FAQ
What does "tricky people" mean?
It's Pattie Fitzgerald's term, used in her Safely Ever After programs, for people whose behavior should put a child on guard, whether the child knows them or not. It's taught as a replacement for "stranger danger."
Why teach tricky people instead of stranger danger?
NCMEC says most abducted children are taken by someone they know, so a rule about strangers leaves out the most common risk. Both NCMEC and Fitzgerald focus on behavior and situations instead.
What is a family code word?
A word only your family and the adults you trust know. It's one of Fitzgerald's Safe-Smart Rules, and it lets a child check that a change of plans, like a different pickup, really came from you.
Do It in Buhata
Household Notes
Save your family code word and the list of adults allowed to pick up your child in Household Notes in your Household Space in Buhata, so every adult who does pickups can check them.
Open BuhataRelated Terms and Categories
- Stranger danger
The old rule telling children to fear and avoid all strangers. NCMEC now teaches kids to spot risky situations, since most abducted children are taken by someone they know.
- Body autonomy
The idea that a person, including a child, has the right to decide what happens to their own body, such as who hugs, kisses or touches them.
- Consent for kids
Teaching children that people ask before touching someone, that a "no" is respected, and that their own "yes" or "no" about their body counts.
- Online safety for kids
The habits, rules and tools that help children use the internet, apps and games while avoiding harm such as scams, cruelty, and adults who try to exploit them.
- Boundaries with kids
The clear limits a parent holds and the sense a child builds of what they are responsible for; also the title of a parenting book by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
Sources
Safely Ever After, Inc. (Pattie Fitzgerald), home page; Safely Ever After, "About"; Safely Ever After, "tricky people"; National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, "Straying Away from 'Stranger Danger'" (2023); Childhelp, "National Child Abuse Hotline"
- safelyeverafter.com
- safelyeverafter.com/about
- safelyeverafter.com/tag/tricky-people/
- www.missingkids.org/blog/2023/staying-away-from-stranger-danger
- childhelp.org/hotline
Last updated .