Consent for kids

What It Means

Consent for kids means teaching children, in words that fit their age, that people ask before they touch someone and that the answer is respected. It runs both ways: a child learns to ask a friend before a hug and to accept a no, and learns that their own no about their body will be respected too. HealthyChildren.org, the American Academy of Pediatrics' site for parents, suggests starting in the toddler yearsToddlerA child from 1 to 3 years old, the stage CDC's parenting guidance places between infancy and the preschool years. See more and building on it as a child grows.

How Parents Say It

• "Ask first before you hug your cousin."
• "You don't have to kiss Grandpa if you don't want to. You can wave."
• "She said stop, so we stop."

The Breakdown

Consent by age (ages and advice from HealthyChildren.org)

Everyday ways to practice

1. Ask before you hug or kiss your child, and take a no calmly, without making them feel guilty.
2. Offer another way to say hello or goodbye, like a wave or a high five, when they don't want a hug from a relative.
3. When kids wrestle or tickle, stop the game the moment someone says stop.
4. Use the real names for body parts in everyday talk, like bath time.

When to get help. If your child tells you about a touch that worried them, stay calm and listen. If you think a child is being abused, call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453 (call, text or chat, 24 hours a day). For sexual images or online contact, report to NCMEC's CyberTipline at 1-800-843-5678. Call 911 if a child is in danger right now.

Good to Know

HealthyChildren.org explains why the real words matter: made-up names for private parts can suggest those parts are bad or secret and can't be talked about. Teaching consent at home also means the adults around a child follow the same rules, so let grandparents and caregivers know how your family handles hugs.

Related Terms and Categories

• Body autonomy

  The idea that a person, including a child, has the right to decide what happens to their own body, such as who hugs, kisses or touches them.

• Tricky people

  Pattie Fitzgerald's name for anyone, known or unknown, whose behavior should put a child on guard. Taught in place of "stranger danger."

• Stranger danger

  The old rule telling children to fear and avoid all strangers. NCMEC now teaches kids to spot risky situations, since most abducted children are taken by someone they know.

• Boundaries with kids

  The clear limits a parent holds and the sense a child builds of what they are responsible for; also the title of a parenting book by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

• Puberty

  The years when a child's body matures into an adult's, usually starting between about 8 and 13 in girls and 9 and 14 in boys, per Cleveland Clinic.

• Emotion coaching

  A way of responding to a child's feelings: notice the emotion, connect, listen, help name it, then solve the problem together, with limits on behavior.

Parenting and child development