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Parenting and child development

Conscious parenting

An approach, popularized by Dr. Shefali Tsabary, where parents focus on their own reactions, history and self-awareness as the way to change how they respond to a child.

What It Means

Conscious parenting is an approach in which parents pay close attention to their own feelings, reactions and past, on the idea that changing how you respond starts with understanding yourself. Dr. Shefali Tsabary, who founded the Conscious Parenting movement and wrote "The Conscious Parent" and "The Awakened Family," describes it as turning the focus inward instead of looking to the child's behavior for the answer. Cleveland Clinic psychologist Chivonna Childs, PhD, describes it as being mindfulMindfulnessPaying attention to what's happening in the present moment, such as your breath, your body, your thoughts and your surroundings. See more of who you are as a parent as well as parenting your child.

Try It: Check In With Yourself Before You React

Before you respond to a hard moment, run through these. Tick each one you can honestly answer. Buhata's own questions, not a clinical test.

Checked in0of 5

Pause a little longer if it's safe to, and come back to the list.

How Parents Say It

  • "That reaction was about my day, not about her."
  • "Why does this one thing set me off every time?"
  • "I'm working on me so I can show up better for them."

The Breakdown

What it involves, per Cleveland Clinic

  • Being mindful of who you are as a parent, including your own habits and history
  • Noticing how your own physical health and mental health affect how you respond
  • Choosing more positive, productive responses in hard moments
  • Making sure your own needs are met too
  • Practicing calming techniques yourself and teaching them to your child

What it can look like by age. Buhata's own examples.

AgeA conscious-parenting moment
ToddlerToddlerA child from 1 to 3 years old, the stage CDC's parenting guidance places between infancy and the preschool years. See moreNoticing your frustration at a tantrum and taking a breath before you step in
School ageAsking yourself whether a bad grade upsets you because of your own school years
TeenHearing your teen's choice before reacting from your own fears

When to talk to someone. If your reactions to your child often feel out of proportion, or you're carrying stress you can't set down, talk with your own doctor or a therapist. For concerns about your child's behavior, start with the pediatrician.

Where It Comes From

Dr. Shefali Tsabary's site describes her as the founder of the Conscious Parenting movement. Her books "The Conscious Parent" and "The Awakened Family" set out the approach, which draws on Western psychology and Eastern philosophy.

Good to Know

Conscious parenting is one author's approach to reflecting on your own reactions. It sits alongside ordinary limits and routines, and this page makes no claim about results for children. For the AAP's advice on discipline itself, see HealthyChildren.org, the AAP's site for parents.

FAQ

What is conscious parenting?

An approach where parents focus on their own feelings, reactions and history to change how they respond to their child. Dr. Shefali Tsabary founded the movement, and Cleveland Clinic describes it as being mindful of who you are as a parent.

Who created conscious parenting?

Dr. Shefali Tsabary, author of "The Conscious Parent" and "The Awakened Family," describes herself as the founder of the Conscious Parenting movement on her own site.

Is conscious parenting the same as gentle parenting?

They overlap but have different focus. Conscious parenting centers on the parent's own self-awareness, while gentle parentingGentle parentingAn approach that pairs empathy for a child's feelings with clear, consistent limits, with the parent acting as a coach through hard moments. See more, as Cleveland Clinic describes it, centers on coaching the child through feelings with clear, consistent limits.

Do It in Buhata

Notes

Use Notes (Premium) in Buhata to jot down what set you off and what helped after a hard moment, so patterns show up over a few weeks.

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Related Terms and Categories

  • Gentle parenting

    An approach that pairs empathy for a child's feelings with clear, consistent limits, with the parent acting as a coach through hard moments.

  • Co-regulation

    The way a calm, caring adult helps a child manage feelings and behavior, through a warm relationship, a steady setting and coaching, until the child can do more alone.

  • Emotional regulation

    The growing ability to notice a feeling and manage how strongly it shows and how long it lasts, so a child can calm down and carry on.

  • Rupture and repair

    The normal cycle of falling out of sync with a child (a rupture) and reconnecting afterward (a repair), studied in parent and infant research.

  • Parental burnout

    Exhaustion from the job of parenting that builds when its demands outweigh a parent's resources for a long time, often with emotional distance from the children.

Parenting and child development

Sources

Dr. Shefali Tsabary, drshefali.com; Dr. Shefali Tsabary, "Books," drshefali.com; Dr. Shefali Tsabary, "Parenting The Conscious Way," drshefali.com; Cleveland Clinic, "What Is Conscious Parenting?"; HealthyChildren.org (AAP), "What's the Best Way to Discipline My Child?"

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