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Parenting and child development

Gentle parenting

An approach that pairs empathy for a child's feelings with clear, consistent limits, with the parent acting as a coach through hard moments.

What It Means

Gentle parenting is an approach where a parent helps a child notice and understand their feelings and behavior while keeping boundaries clear and consistent. Cleveland Clinic describes the parent's role as a coach who helps the child work through tough emotions, and it stresses that gentle parenting still includes discipline. The aim is for a child to stop the behavior and also understand why they felt the way they did and why the behavior wasn't okay.

Try It: Walk Through a Gentle Response to Thrown Food

Your toddler throws food at dinner. Step through one gentle response.

1. Name the feeling

"You're done eating and you're frustrated."

Step1of 4

You accept the feeling and keep the limit.

How Parents Say It

  • "It's okay to be angry. It's not okay to hit."
  • "I'm not going to let you throw that."
  • "Gentle doesn't mean there are no rules in our house."

The Breakdown

What it involves, per Cleveland Clinic

  1. Help your child name what they feel and what they did.
  2. Keep boundaries clear and the same from day to day.
  3. Coach them through the hard feeling instead of only stopping the behavior.
  4. Follow through with discipline that fits their age.
  5. Explain why the behavior wasn't okay, in words they understand.

By age. Cleveland Clinic says gentle parenting depends on knowing your child's developmental stage.

AgeWhat it can look like
ToddlerToddlerA child from 1 to 3 years old, the stage CDC's parenting guidance places between infancy and the preschool years. See moreSimple cause and consequence: help clean up, get a high-five; throw food, no dessert (Cleveland Clinic's example)
PreschoolName the feeling, give two acceptable choices (Buhata's example)
School ageTalk through what happened once everyone is calm, then agree on a fix (Buhata's example)
TeenHear them out fully, then hold the limit and explain it (Buhata's example)

When to talk to someone. If outbursts are frequent, intense or hurting anyone, or if the approach leaves you exhausted, ask your pediatrician for help.

Good to Know

Gentle parenting has no single founder or official program, and this page follows Cleveland Clinic's description. It overlaps with what the AAP calls positive disciplinePositive disciplineDiscipline that teaches a child how to behave through modeling, clear limits, calm consequences and attention, without hitting, yelling or shaming. See more: on HealthyChildren.org and in its 2018 policy statement "Effective Discipline to Raise Healthy Children," the AAP recommends teaching children to manage their behavior and advises against spanking, threatening and shaming.

FAQ

Is gentle parenting the same as permissive parenting?

No. Cleveland Clinic says gentle parenting keeps clear, consistent boundaries and still uses discipline, while permissive parentingPermissive parentingA parenting style that is warm and accepting but sets few rules or limits. Researchers also call it indulgent parenting; it is one of the four styles. See more sets few limits.

Does gentle parenting mean no consequences?

Cleveland Clinic says it doesn't mean avoiding discipline. Its toddler example uses simple cause and consequence, such as no dessert after throwing food.

Who started gentle parenting?

It has no single founder. It's a popular name for an approach built on empathy and clear limits, and Cleveland Clinic describes it on its health site.

Do It in Buhata

Handoff Card

Write your household's few firm limits and the calm words you use for them on a Handoff Card (Premium) in Buhata, so sitters and grandparents respond the same way you do.

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Related Terms and Categories

  • Permissive parenting

    A parenting style that is warm and accepting but sets few rules or limits. Researchers also call it indulgent parenting; it is one of the four styles.

  • Positive parenting

    Raising children through warmth, attention, praise for good behavior and teaching, with discipline that avoids harsh punishment. The CDC publishes age-by-age tips.

  • Emotion coaching

    A way of responding to a child's feelings: notice the emotion, connect, listen, help name it, then solve the problem together, with limits on behavior.

  • Limit setting

    Deciding and calmly holding the rules for what a child may and may not do, explained in words the child can understand and followed through every time.

  • Connection before correction

    A parenting idea from Jane Nelsen's Positive Discipline: calm and reconnect with an upset child first, then deal with the behavior together.

Parenting and child development

Sources

Cleveland Clinic, "What Is Gentle Parenting, Really?"; HealthyChildren.org (AAP), "What's the Best Way to Discipline My Child?"; American Academy of Pediatrics, "Effective Discipline to Raise Healthy Children," Pediatrics, 2018; AAP News, "AAP recommends positive discipline rather than physical, verbal punishment"

Last updated .