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Parenting and child development

Friendship skills

The abilities that help a child make and keep friends, such as sharing, taking turns, joining in, handling disagreements and caring how a friend feels.

What It Means

Friendship skills are the everyday abilities that let a child make friends and keep them: sharing, taking turns, joining a game, noticing how a friend feels, and getting through a disagreement without ending the friendship. HealthyChildren.org, the American Academy of Pediatrics' site for parents, notes that few people learn friendship without some support and example from the adults around them. The skills grow with age, from sharing toys in preschool to the closer, feelings-based friendships of the grade school years.

Try It: Follow Friendship Skills From Preschool to Grade School

Move through the stages to see how friendship skills grow, from HealthyChildren.org, CDC and a peer-reviewed study.

Stage1
Of4
Preschool
Learning to share toys and take turns in small groups, and often asking politely instead of grabbing. (HealthyChildren.org)

How Parents Say It

  • "Can I play too?"
  • "You had it last time, it's my turn."
  • "We had a fight, but we're friends again."

The Breakdown

Friendship skills by age

AgeWhat you may seeSource
PreschoolSharing toys and taking turns in small groups; asking politely much of the time instead of grabbingHealthyChildren.org
By 5 yearsFollowing rules or taking turns in games with other childrenCDC milestonesDevelopmental milestonesSkills most children can do by a certain age, like rolling over or waving bye-bye. CDC places each at the age 75% or more of children reach it. See more
6 to 8 yearsMore attention to friendships and teamworkCDC
6 to 12 yearsFriendships built less on play and more on sharing feelingsPubMed Central study

How parents can help, per HealthyChildren.org

  1. Show what a good friend does, since children pick it up from the adults around them.
  2. With a shy child, help warm up the first few minutes of a playdate.
  3. Help a very social child make room for a quieter friend.
  4. Teach ways to show anger without hurting anyone, and that a moment of anger passes without the friendship having to end.

Try it today. Ask your child to tell you one thing a friend did that was kind this week, and one thing that was hard.

When to talk to the doctor or school. CDC suggests talking with your child's doctor about any concern with how your child plays or gets along with others. The teacher sees your child with classmates every school day, so ask them too.

Good to Know

CDC's parenting tips for 6 to 8 year olds suggest talking with your child about school, friends and what they look forward to, which gives you an easy way into how friendships are going. For older children, HealthyChildren.org also has a page on making friends in high school.

FAQ

How can I help my child make friends?

HealthyChildren.org suggests modeling good friendship, helping a shy child warm up at the start of a playdate, and helping a very outgoing child make room for quieter friends.

At what age do kids take turns and share?

HealthyChildren.org describes preschoolersPreschoolerA child from 3 to 5 years old, the age band the CDC uses for its preschool parenting guidance. See more learning to share toys and take turns in small groups, and CDC's milestone checklist lists taking turns in games with other children by 5 years.

My child always fights with friends. What can I do?

HealthyChildren.org suggests teaching your child to express anger without hurting others, and that a friendship doesn't have to end over a moment of anger. If conflicts keep happening, talk with the teacher and your child's doctor.

Do It in Buhata

Calendar

Put a regular playdate on the Calendar in your Household Space in Buhata, so your child gets steady time with a friend they like.

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Related Terms and Categories

  • Social-emotional development

    How a child learns to understand their own feelings, read other people's, and build relationships, from early smiles to taking turns in games.

  • Cooperative play

    Play in which children work together toward a shared goal, taking roles and following a plan, like building one fort or acting out one story together.

  • Empathy development

    How a child learns to notice, understand and care about what other people feel, from spotting a crying friend at 2 to comforting one by 4.

  • Self-esteem

    How a person feels about themselves and what they can do. In a child, healthy self-esteem shows as feeling liked, accepted and able to try again after a mistake.

Parenting and child development

Sources

HealthyChildren.org (AAP), "Social Development in Preschoolers: Learning How to Share & Cooperate"; HealthyChildren.org (AAP), "What Parents Can Do to Support Friendships"; HealthyChildren.org (AAP), "Making Friends in High School"; CDC, "Positive Parenting Tips: Middle Childhood (6 to 8 years old)"; CDC, "Milestones by 5 Years"; PubMed Central, "Representation of Friendship and Aggressive Behavior in Primary School Children"

Last updated .