Name it to tame it

What It Means

"Name it to tame it" is Dr. Dan Siegel's phrase for calming a strong emotion by putting it into words: saying what happened and naming the feeling, such as "I'm scared about the test results." On his site it appears in his Whole-Brain Child handouts for parents as a way to settle emotional storms, and he ties it to studies showing that naming an emotion can calm the brain's emotional centers. Researchers call the same act affect labeling.

How People Say It

• "Let's name it to tame it. What are you feeling right now?"
• "Okay, I'm angry. Saying it helps."
• "You seem disappointed, is that right?"

The Breakdown

Signs it could help

• A feeling is big, but you can't say what it is.
• You're reacting to something small with a lot of heat.
• A child is melting down and can't yet put words to why.

Steps to try

1. Pause and notice the feeling in your body.
2. Say what happened in a sentence or two.
3. Name the feeling with one plain word: angry, scared, sad, embarrassed.
4. Add the cause: "I'm scared because the results aren't back yet."

The research behind it. In a 2007 study published in Psychological Science, Lieberman and colleagues at UCLA showed people emotional images. When people chose a word for the emotion in an image, activity in the amygdala and other limbic areas dropped and activity in the right ventrolateral prefrontal cortex rose, compared with other ways of handling the same images. No retraction turned up when this page was checked, and later studies in PubMed Central keep testing when labeling helps most, such as how timing and intensity change it.

Starting the conversation. With a child: "You're really mad your turn is over." With a partner: "I think I'm more worried than angry about this."

Good to Know

Naming a feeling is a first step; it eases the moment and still leaves the problem to solve. It's the same move CDC teaches parents in emotion coachingEmotion coachingA way of responding to a child's feelings: notice the emotion, connect, listen, help name it, then solve the problem together, with limits on behavior. See more, where naming a child's feeling helps them recognize it and feel more in control. When feelings are overwhelming most days and don't ease, talk with a doctor or licensed mental health professional. If you're thinking about suicide, call or text 988 (the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline), and call 911 in an emergency.

Related Terms and Categories

• Emotional regulation

  The growing ability to notice a feeling and manage how strongly it shows and how long it lasts, so a child can calm down and carry on.

• Emotion coaching

  A way of responding to a child's feelings: notice the emotion, connect, listen, help name it, then solve the problem together, with limits on behavior.

• Feelings wheel

  A circle chart of emotion words, with a few core feelings in the middle and more precise words around them, used to find the right name for what you feel.

• Journaling

  Writing down your thoughts and feelings, in a notebook or an app, to understand them more clearly and to see what's behind your stress.

• Self-soothing

  Calming yourself when you're upset by deliberately using one of your five senses, like a warm drink, a soft blanket or a favorite song, to ease the distress.

• Co-regulation

  The way a calm, caring adult helps a child manage feelings and behavior, through a warm relationship, a steady setting and coaching, until the child can do more alone.

Wellbeing and habits