Parenting style

What It Means

A parenting style is the overall pattern of how a parent relates to and guides a child, as opposed to any single decision. Researchers describe it on two dimensions: responsiveness, meaning warmth, involvement and support, and demandingness, meaning rules, supervision and expectations. Psychologist Diana Baumrind described three styles in 1967, and in 1983 Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin set them on those two dimensions and added a fourth, giving authoritative, authoritarian, permissive and uninvolved.

How Parents Say It

• "I'm stricter than my partner, we're still working out our parenting style."
• "We try to be firm but warm."
• "My parents were totally hands-off."

The Breakdown

The four styles, per Britannica and research reviews on PubMed Central

By age. The two dimensions stay the same while the child grows, and what changes is how they show up. With a toddlerToddlerA child from 1 to 3 years old, the stage CDC's parenting guidance places between infancy and the preschool years. See more, demandingness might mean a short list of rules held every day; with a teen, it might mean expectations you set after hearing their side. Warmth might be a lap to sit in at 2 and a lift home with no questions at 16. These are Buhata's own examples.

A short self-check. Think of the last three times your child pushed back on a rule. Did you explain the reason, and did the rule hold? Explaining is the warmth side, and holding the rule is the demanding side. This is Buhata's own quick check, not a research tool.

When to talk to someone. If discipline keeps turning into battles, or you and your co-parentCo-parentingTwo parents who live apart sharing the job of raising their child, working together on rules, schedules and decisions across both homes. See more disagree about rules most days, your pediatrician is a good first person to ask.

Where It Comes From

Diana Baumrind described three styles, authoritative, authoritarian and permissive, in research published in 1967. In 1983 Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin organized them on two dimensions, responsiveness and demandingness, and added uninvolved parentingUninvolved parentingA parenting style low in both warmth and rules, where a parent gives little attention, guidance or supervision. Also called neglectful parenting. See more as the fourth.

Good to Know

Research summarized by Britannica and in reviews on PubMed Central has associated authoritative parentingAuthoritative parentingA parenting style that pairs warmth and responsiveness with clear rules and high expectations. It is one of the four styles in parenting research. See more with the most favorable outcomes for children. Those are associations across groups of families, and some researchers, including authors writing on PubMed Central, question whether one style works best in every culture. Your pediatrician can help if you want to talk through what fits your child.

Related Terms and Categories

• Authoritative parenting

  A parenting style that pairs warmth and responsiveness with clear rules and high expectations. It is one of the four styles in parenting research.

• Authoritarian parenting

  A parenting style high in rules and control but low in warmth, where children are expected to obey without discussion. One of the four styles in parenting research.

• Permissive parenting

  A parenting style that is warm and accepting but sets few rules or limits. Researchers also call it indulgent parenting; it is one of the four styles.

• Uninvolved parenting

  A parenting style low in both warmth and rules, where a parent gives little attention, guidance or supervision. Also called neglectful parenting.

• Gentle parenting

  An approach that pairs empathy for a child's feelings with clear, consistent limits, with the parent acting as a coach through hard moments.

• Limit setting

  Deciding and calmly holding the rules for what a child may and may not do, explained in words the child can understand and followed through every time.

Parenting and child development