Buhata
Login Start for Free

Home › Life Terms

Parenting and child development

Permissive parenting

A parenting style that is warm and accepting but sets few rules or limits. Researchers also call it indulgent parenting; it is one of the four styles.

What It Means

Permissive parenting is a style high in responsiveness (warmth, affection, acceptance) and low in demandingness (few rules, little supervision, few expectations). Researchers also call it indulgent parenting. Diana Baumrind described it in the 1960s, and it is one of the four styles Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin set out in 1983. A permissive parent is loving and involved but rarely enforces limits, and can come across more as a friend than a parent.

Try It: Compare a Permissive and an Authoritative Reply

Your 4-year-old wants a cookie right before dinner. Switch between the two styles to compare the replies.

Warmth

High

Limits

Low

"Oh, okay, just one." A few minutes of whining later, it's two, and dinner goes uneaten.

Both replies are kind; what changes is whether the limit holds.

How Parents Say It

  • "I just can't say no to her."
  • "We don't really do rules in our house."
  • "He's more like my best friend than my kid."

The Breakdown

Where it sits, per Britannica and research reviews on PubMed Central

StyleResponsiveness (warmth)Demandingness (control)
PermissiveHighLow
AuthoritativeHighHigh

What it can look like by age. Buhata's own examples.

AgePermissive patternA limit you could add
ToddlerToddlerA child from 1 to 3 years old, the stage CDC's parenting guidance places between infancy and the preschool years. See moreA tantrum at the store ends with the toy in the cartPraise calm moments and give the tantrum less attention, as CDC suggests for ages 2 to 3
School ageBedtime shifts every night depending on moodOne bedtime on school nights, set ahead of time
TeenNo curfew and no questions about where they areA curfew and a quick check-in text, agreed together

Adding limits without losing the warmth. Start with one rule that matters most to you, say it once in plain words, and follow through calmly the first few times it's tested. Keeping the warmth while you do it moves you toward the authoritative style.

When to talk to someone. If limits at home have become constant battles, or your child's behavior worries you, bring it up with your pediatrician.

Good to Know

Research summarized by Britannica and in reviews on PubMed Central has associated permissive parenting with less favorable outcomes than authoritative parentingAuthoritative parentingA parenting style that pairs warmth and responsiveness with clear rules and high expectations. It is one of the four styles in parenting research. See more. These are patterns seen across many families, and they can't tell you how any one child will turn out. CDC's Positive Parenting TipsPositive parentingRaising children through warmth, attention, praise for good behavior and teaching, with discipline that avoids harsh punishment. The CDC publishes age-by-age tips. See more for toddlers 2 to 3 years suggest giving attention and praise when your child follows instructions and limiting attention for tantrums, which is a gentle place to start adding structure.

FAQ

What's the difference between permissive and authoritative parenting?

Both are warm. The authoritative style adds clear rules and expectations and follows through on them, while the permissive style sets few limits and rarely enforces the ones it has.

Is permissive parenting the same as gentle parenting?

They are often confused. Cleveland Clinic describes gentle parentingGentle parentingAn approach that pairs empathy for a child's feelings with clear, consistent limits, with the parent acting as a coach through hard moments. See more as including clear, consistent boundaries, which permissive parenting usually lacks.

What is indulgent parenting?

Another name researchers use for permissive parenting: high warmth and low demands. The two terms describe the same style in the four-style model.

Do It in Buhata

Household Space and Household Rewards

Pick one house rule to start with, write it in your Household Space in Buhata, and attach a chore in Household Rewards so the expectation is clear to everyone.

Open Buhata

Related Terms and Categories

  • Authoritative parenting

    A parenting style that pairs warmth and responsiveness with clear rules and high expectations. It is one of the four styles in parenting research.

  • Authoritarian parenting

    A parenting style high in rules and control but low in warmth, where children are expected to obey without discussion. One of the four styles in parenting research.

  • Uninvolved parenting

    A parenting style low in both warmth and rules, where a parent gives little attention, guidance or supervision. Also called neglectful parenting.

  • Gentle parenting

    An approach that pairs empathy for a child's feelings with clear, consistent limits, with the parent acting as a coach through hard moments.

  • Limit setting

    Deciding and calmly holding the rules for what a child may and may not do, explained in words the child can understand and followed through every time.

  • Boundaries with kids

    The clear limits a parent holds and the sense a child builds of what they are responsible for; also the title of a parenting book by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

Parenting and child development

Sources

Britannica, "Parenting: Parenting styles and child outcomes"; PubMed Central (NIH), "Parenting Dimensions and Styles: A Brief History and Recommendations for Future Research"; PubMed Central (NIH), "Parenting Styles: A Closer Look at a Well-Known Concept"; PubMed Central (NIH), "The Young Parenting Inventory (YPI-R3), and the Baumrind, Maccoby and Martin Parenting Model: Finding Common Ground"; CDC, "Positive Parenting Tips: Toddlers (2 to 3 years old)"; Cleveland Clinic, "What Is Gentle Parenting, Really?"

Last updated .