What It Means
Social-emotional learning (SEL) is how people learn to understand their feelings, manage them, get along with others and make responsible choices. CASEL, the organization behind the most widely used SEL framework, defines it as the process through which young people and adults gain and use the knowledge, skills and attitudes to build healthy identities, manage emotions and reach personal and shared goals. In schools it usually means lessons and classroom habits built around CASEL's five competencies, though schools and states differ in whether they teach it, how, and what they call it.
Try It: Flip Through CASEL's Five SEL Competencies
Tap each competency to see what it means and one way it shows up at home.
1. Self-awareness
Recognizing your own emotions and thoughts, and how they shape what you do.
At home: your child says "I'm grumpy because I'm hungry."
2. Self-management
Handling those emotions and behaviors so you can work toward a goal.
At home: taking three breaths before answering a sibling.
3. Social awareness
Understanding how other people feel and see things.
At home: noticing a friend looks left out at a party.
4. Relationship skills
Making and keeping healthy relationships, including working through conflict.
At home: agreeing on turns with a video game.
5. Responsible decision-making
Making caring, sensible choices about how to act.
At home: deciding to finish homework before a game, without a reminder.
Names from CASEL. The home examples are Buhata's suggestions.
How Parents Say It
- "They do SEL every morning in her class."
- "It's an SEL lesson, they talked about friendship."
- "What does social-emotional learning actually mean?"
The Breakdown
CASEL's five competencies
| Competency | In plain words |
|---|---|
| Self-awareness | Knowing what you feel and think, and how it affects what you do |
| Self-management | Handling feelings and actions to reach a goal |
| Social awareness | Understanding other people's feelings and points of view |
| Relationship skills | Building good relationships and working through conflict |
| Responsible decision-making | Making caring, sensible choices |
Source: CASEL.
What it can look like by age. Buhata's suggestion, using CASEL's competencies:
| Age | What you might see |
|---|---|
| Preschool | Naming simple feelings, like mad or sad, and starting to wait for a turn |
| Early elementary | Using a feelings chart, sharing in a morning meeting, saying sorry and meaning it |
| Upper elementary | Working in groups, handling a disagreement with words, setting a small goal |
| Middle school | Reading other people's moods, handling friendship drama, planning schoolwork |
| High school | Weighing decisions with bigger consequences, managing stress, setting longer goals |
For children under 5, Buhata's social-emotional developmentSocial-emotional developmentHow a child learns to understand their own feelings, read other people's, and build relationships, from early smiles to taking turns in games. See more page lists CDC's milestonesDevelopmental milestonesSkills most children can do by a certain age, like rolling over or waving bye-bye. CDC places each at the age 75% or more of children reach it. See more by age.
When to talk to the teacher or a specialist. If your child often can't calm down, struggles to keep friends, or seems withdrawn for weeks, start with the teacher. The school counselor or school psychologistSchool psychologistA school-based specialist trained in assessment, learning, behavior and mental health, who supports students, families and teachers. See more can also help.
Good to Know
CASEL's definition covers adults as well as children, so the skills are ones parents practice too. Because schools and states differ in whether and how they teach SEL, ask your child's teacher or school what program, if any, they use and how they tell families about it. If your child talks about feeling hopeless or about hurting themselves, contact a doctor or the school counselor right away; you can call or text 988 (the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline), and call 911 in an emergency.
FAQ
What are the five SEL competencies?
CASEL names self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills and responsible decision-making. Many schools organize their SEL lessons around these five.
Is SEL the same in every school?
No. Schools and states differ in whether they teach SEL, which program they use and what they call it. Your child's school can tell you what it does.
How can I support SEL at home?
Name feelings out loud, including your own, and talk through a problem together before solving it for your child. Buhata's emotion coachingEmotion coachingA way of responding to a child's feelings: notice the emotion, connect, listen, help name it, then solve the problem together, with limits on behavior. See more page covers CDC's five steps for doing this with young children.
Do It in Buhata
Calendar, Reminders
Put your child's school SEL nights and parent meetings on the Buhata Calendar, with a Reminder the day before.
Open BuhataRelated Terms and Categories
- Social-emotional development
How a child learns to understand their own feelings, read other people's, and build relationships, from early smiles to taking turns in games.
- Emotional regulation
The growing ability to notice a feeling and manage how strongly it shows and how long it lasts, so a child can calm down and carry on.
- Emotion coaching
A way of responding to a child's feelings: notice the emotion, connect, listen, help name it, then solve the problem together, with limits on behavior.
- Emotional check-in
A short pause to notice and name how you feel right now, often as a word, a number on a scale or a point on a feelings chart.
- Restorative practices
A school approach that builds relationships and, when someone causes harm, brings the people affected together to talk it through and agree how to make it right.
- School psychologist
A school-based specialist trained in assessment, learning, behavior and mental health, who supports students, families and teachers.
Sources
CASEL, "Fundamentals of SEL"; CASEL, "Evidence-Based Social and Emotional Learning Programs: CASEL Criteria Updates and Rationale"; CASEL, "Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) for All"; CASEL, "From Wiggly to Wise: How Morning Meetings Build Self-Aware Kids"
- casel.org/fundamentals-of-sel
- casel.org/11_casel-program-criteria-rationale/?view=1
- files.casel.org/MA_-SEL-for-All-.pdf
- casel.org/blog/from-wiggly-to-wise-how-morning-meetings-build-self-aware-kids
Last updated .